Formal introduction. (very late indeed)
My name is Inder. I’m 18 years old. I’m a senior in high school and have about 3 years of college completed. I enjoy writing and learning about things. I’m fascinated by art of all kinds. I like things to be organized but kept jumbled at the same time. I’m not consistent with many things but I don’t give up easily either. Sometimes I get inspired and come here.I want to achieve a lot in life and I think I can do it. I have to get out of the idea that everything is in the future and start achieving what I want presently. These are only some things about me.

Formal introduction. (very late indeed)

My name is Inder. I’m 18 years old. I’m a senior in high school and have about 3 years of college completed. I enjoy writing and learning about things. I’m fascinated by art of all kinds. I like things to be organized but kept jumbled at the same time. I’m not consistent with many things but I don’t give up easily either. Sometimes I get inspired and come here.I want to achieve a lot in life and I think I can do it. I have to get out of the idea that everything is in the future and start achieving what I want presently. These are only some things about me.

"i love you"

finally telling that person those three words for the first time is such a rush

will they feel the same?

in this case, they do

everything is great

over time the bond builds stronger

you learn more about each other

you know each others’ minds and bodies like no one else

the passion has grown over all the time passed since you first uttered those three words

so I ask you, are those same three words enough to satisfy you still?

they’re the same words that when reciprocated had made that moment spectacular

they’re the only words you had hoped to hear at that time

but for some reason, do you feel like something is missing if you hear those words alone?

they almost seem simple now

love for someone changes dramatically over time

and after all this time together, shouldn’t there be more to those three words

with all the time that’s passed, you both should be able to personalize those words to mean so much more

say those words in a way no one else could to that person

because it seems now that:

anyone can say “i love you”

"New year, new beginnings"

It’s really such a cliche. There’s no reason a person should have to wait for a certain day to make a change in their life. Change isn’t something you can choose to start immediately. It’s gradual.

Nonetheless, the start of a new year is a big motivator to make a change. A brand new calendar year is like a clean slate. Similar to a do-over, except you get to retain everything you’ve learned.

I always place others so much higher than myself and this really does bring me that much lower. It’s fine to have those who inspire you. But I’m doing it in a way in which I’m destroying my own esteem. I hope that I can become more confident in myself. It’ll get me further in the long run and it’ll also help me a more

I feel like I’ve tried to achieve happiness in means that are only effective short-term. Appearances and materialism can only take you so far. I hope I can find it in myself to bring out the quality inside me. I want to make something of myself and I want to be proud of the person I am.

The more I care

The more vulnerable I get

I can feel myself losing it, slipping

My anxiety attacks are back

I almost forgot how hard they are to get through

I hate my mood swings the most

If not that, then what I hate most is how I want to hurt myself

I need to pull myself together

Focus on what’s good

Focus on what makes me happy:

My family, my friends, my art, and music

Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.
━ C.S. Lewis
People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.

Jim Morrison

I feel like it’s possibly for anyone to fall in love

You just have to get close to someone

You have to let them in

Let them know who you are

Let them know parts of you that you don’t know yourself

That’s the fun part, getting to know what’s underneath

You discover a whole new layer of personality

Dreams, secrets, goals, memories

Things not many people know

This person knows so much about you

And you know so much about them

You care about each other

You want to see each other happy

And slowly you fall in love

Then each of you have a new goal

To make each other happy

mindset

Something about me has changed. I’ve become dependent. Attached and vulnerable. I doubt myself. I seek approval from others.

That’s not how it’s supposed to be.

Before I used to know who I am, who I want to be. I had goals. I was focused. I upheld myself. My priorities were clear. I was able to rebuff negative comments because I was confident.

What happened? What caused this change?

Do I care too much?

It’s happening again.
The bad thoughts are back.
I want everything to please stop.

I’m tired of being awake in the middle of the night worrying about how I’m doing this whole living thing. I’m tired of sleeping all day and still being tired. I’m tired of always being tired.

I don’t like having poofy, red eyes. I don’t like not knowing how to talk about it. I don’t like feeling like nothing I do is enough.

I can’t do this.

Lately every thing has been 

None of these thoughts are healthy

Why am I like this again

It’s an odd feeling to know you aren’t important to the people who are important to you. I suppose it doesn’t really matter. I’ll care for the person no matter what. I’ll always be a friend to them even if they aren’t a friend to me. I’ll always care. But it’s also nice when the person cares back… ya know?